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Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Thesis Statement
Buddhism has about a billion adherents and encompasses countless interpretations of its form as a religion, philosophy, or both; it is conceptualized differently in India, China, and Myanmar based on local needs and competing religions.
Good start, but a little too vague. Instead of "has about", say "Buddhism, with approximately one billion adherents, encompasses..." Also, I would try to rewrite this so that there is no semicolon in your thesis. Maybe you could say, "...as a religion, philosophy, or both, resulting in starkly different manifestations in India, China, and Myanmar." In addition, "local needs and competing religions" is a bit too vague. Overall though, solid thesis. Good job!
New thesis: Buddhism has about a billion adherents and encompasses countless interpretations of its form as a religion, philosophy, or both, which is aparent in its various conceptualizations in India, China, and Myanmar because of government, regional demands, and competing beliefs.
Good start, but a little too vague. Instead of "has about", say "Buddhism, with approximately one billion adherents, encompasses..." Also, I would try to rewrite this so that there is no semicolon in your thesis. Maybe you could say, "...as a religion, philosophy, or both, resulting in starkly different manifestations in India, China, and Myanmar." In addition, "local needs and competing religions" is a bit too vague. Overall though, solid thesis. Good job!
ReplyDeleteNew thesis: Buddhism has about a billion adherents and encompasses countless interpretations of its form as a religion, philosophy, or both, which is aparent in its various conceptualizations in India, China, and Myanmar because of government, regional demands, and competing beliefs.
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